STOP SHRINKING TO BE CHOSEN

 

Imagine a seed that you planted in a tiny pot at your veranda,as it grows it will try to survive, but it will never become the tree it was designed to be, because its roots will circle around themselves, because it’s being restricted with the limited space.

However, when you plant the same seed in an open ground it will expand and grow taller because its roots have stretched, its branches have risen and it will not have to apologise for growing.

In the same way, when we shrink our voice, standards, intelligence, or personality just to be selected or chosen, we will be living in that tiny pot. The right environment does not fear  growth but makes room for it.

Most of the time we find that we know what we are worth but somehow we try to fit in standards that someone else has decided of us. Their place we never enter because we have remained contained a place.

In other instances shrinking can mean growth only when its  not driven by validation, it maybe your season molting to renew , restructure and to realign our goals. however what we are looking at is where we shrink to be selected.

We may at times shrink without our knowledge seeking to be chosen, to fit in, to be loved, afraid of  rejection , which sounds and feels comfrotable but  that drifts us far from our light. we may not see its effects in the present moment but at the long run it will be costly.

How does shrinking affects us;

1.       It damages self-worth-  When we keep silent in places where we need to talk to be accepted it strips us our value and our subconscious mind records the lack  and creates doubt, insecurity and emotional exhaustion.

2.       Its breeds resentment-When we shrink, we sayYES often when we actually mean NO and downplay our achievements and most of the time, we tolerate disrespect and still remain silent to keep the peace but all we do its we breed resentment that brings emotional exhaustion. Eventually, we resent the very people we shrank for ,even though they never met the real us.

3.       We attract the wrong environment-When we present a smaller version of ourself, we attract spaces that only have the capacity for that version. When we tolerate disrespect then we will never be taken seriously with anyone. We cannot expect full acceptance when we only show half of ourself.

4.       It delays purpose- When we shrink, we limit our leadership capability, our creative nature, which eventually limits impact and growth , how then can  the world benefit from a version of you that is edited for comfort?

5.       It creates identity confusion- One moment you feel capable and strong to face anything and then all of sudden you think of what will they say, what if you they like me? ,  the more you perform to be chosen, the less you know who you actually are. Instead of asking who am I becoming? Do I like the version of who am becoming?

 

How to stop shrinking to be chosen

So how do we stop shrinking to be chosen in places we have out grown and own who we are:

1.       Know your identity – you can’t become what you don’t know, knowing your identity is about understanding your value, knowing what your beliefs are, knowing your non-negotiables. This will help you build your standards and build a solid identity; validation becomes optionall but not a necessity.

2.       Raise your standards- Standards is what differentiates us from ordinary, it’s what commands respect and contributes to our authenticity. More importantly sstandards do not scare the right people, they filter the wrong ones.

3.       Practice Saying Small Truths- most of the time when we shrink, we live, talk and walk a lie but when we stop shrinking, we are living our own truths and start expressing our opinion in meetings, setting minor boundaries, not laughing at jokes that make us uncomfortable. Our confidence grows in small acts of courage not a major move.

4.       Heal from fear of rejection- most of the time we shrink because we fear abandonment, fear rejection, fear of being alone, fear of not being chosen but shrinking yourself to be chosen isn’t selection its survival.

5.       Choose yourself first- when we chose to choose ourself first, we refuse other people’s labels, we know when to exist a scene, when to walk away from disrespect, to speak up when necessary and staying aligned at all cost. We top auditioning for spaces that were never meant for us.

 When we stop shrinking to be chosen, we become unstoppable , the right people tend to draw closer, we get to build walls and boundaries that protect us from everyone and everything. There is no power, clarity and peace we keep shrinking our selves to be selected, the smartest people and the most successful people let their standards, values, boundaries and identity speak for them.

As I put my pen down, the right room will not require us to shrink , it will require us to shine and if you must become smaller to be accepted, you are not being chosen, you are being contained.”